I hope that by the time this goes to press you’re beginning to be able to think more clearly. You must have been in your own private hell for quite some time. Now it’s no longer private so maybe you don’t feel the need to lie anymore. That can be a huge relief. The truth, as it has been written, will set you free. But in this case, the truth comes with a hefty price.
You screwed up royally. I’ve screwed up royally, too, and I know how excruciating it can be. I imagine you and your family are in agony. There’s no shortage of carnage. Thousands of people are hurt, angry, and/or bewildered. Thousands have already passed judgment on you. There’s plenty more of that to come. Accept it for what it is. That’s just part of it.
As far-fetched as it might seem to some, every one of us is just one decision away from disaster. At any time anyone could be caught up in a whirlwind of circumstances that sets them up to choose to walk through the door of destruction. Anybody could branch off from the higher path one step at a time. When they finally come to their senses they’ll realize they’re swimming in a sewer. Maybe they’ll try to get out of it.
You’re broken. Aren’t we all? The poet Rumi wrote, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Follow this specific link. It’s a music video of Leonard Cohen’s Anthem, a song that’s based in part on Rumi’s words. I think it will speak to
So, what’s next? You and those around you are paying dearly for your actions. Now is the time for you to do your internal work, to try to understand the deepest “Why’s?” that drove this, and to heal them. Do not take short cuts. Do not rush the process. YOU WILL FAIL. Your new roots won’t go deep enough to hold you up in a storm.
The best gardens use a lot of muck – manure, compost, and other crap. The right mix can yield magnificent fruits and vegetables. Whether or not that happens in you is largely up to you. You can sit under the mountain of dung you’re in or you can start digging out.
Of course you know you’ll always walk with a limp now – one that everybody can see. But that doesn’t mean you can’t run again someday. Remember what King David did? He had an affair with Bathsheba and arranged for her husband, Uriah the Hittite, to be killed. Still, the Bible called David “a man after God’s own heart”. You’ve professed to be a man of faith. I choose to believe that’s genuine. You’ll need it now more than ever.
So don’t give up. Don’t stop walking. These are the times when “one day at a time” is not cliché. The end of the story has yet to be written. You hold the pen. My hopes and prayers are that you and your family will eventually find healing.
And if you ever find yourself wandering on The Square, come on up to The Balcony above City Grocery. There’s room at my table for you. No judgment will be served.
And that’s the view from The Balcony.
I want to give a shout out to Kell Kellum. If you haven’t gotten his new Jimbo Mathus-produced instrumental CD, Wilco: A Ghost is Born, I highly recommend it. He’s a damn fine pedal steel artist and this CD has the perfect music to chill out to during these sweltering times. The End of All Music has them and I imagine Kell will have them at the shows he plays. You can thank me later.