If Jesus were alive today and a Southerner to boot, this might be how he would answer a few of our questions.
Dear Jesus, If Cain and Abel were the sons of Adam and Eve, who did they marry and have children with? Signed, Truthseeker
Dear Truthseeker, I guess they musta married each other! You prob’ly also wanna know how many angels can dance on the head of a pin! Look, Genesis ain’t as much about how the world got made, it’s more about who made it! If you can get that, then you ain’t gotta get all twisted up in figurin’ out all that stuff. It don’t matter. It’s theological pretzelism. Takes you away from my message and causes fussin’.
Dear Jesus, how much longer will humanity waller in sin before you call us home? Signed, Puzzled.
Dear Puzzled, I guess you’ll waller in sin long as you wanna waller. Don’t wanna waller in sin? Then don’t. It’s easy as that, Jigsaw.
Dear Jesus, how do you reconcile Christianity with politics an’ government? Signed, Fox News Junkie.
Dear Foxy, as I have said, render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and unto G_d the things that are G_d’s. Taxes are Caesar’s. The spirit belongs to G_d. Just ‘cause a person claims to follow me don’t mean they do. So if their politics ain’t helpin’ the least of these, then you need to throw the bastards out. I don’t know ’em. Is that fair and balanced enough for you, Foxy?
Dear Jesus, did you really mean we should pray for our enemies?
Yep. Cain’t pray, really pray, for somebody and keep on hatin’ ’em, Eventually you’re gonna start seein’ that other person as somebody else who needs G_d ’s good grace. Once you see ’em as sons, daughters, mothers, and fathers, it gets harder to hate ‘em an’ they cain’t be your enemy anymore.
Dear Jesus, what do you think about the WWJD bracelets? Signed, Trinkets.
Dear Trinkets, I think they’re pretty cool. In fact, I wear one myself. And when I find myself in a dilemma, wond’rin’ what to do about this or that, I often ask myself the question, “What would Jesus do?” and I go do the thing.
Now if that don’t work, I got this close friend named José. He’s got beaucoups of good, ole fashioned horse sense. So if “What Would Jesus Do?” don’t work, I’ll ask, “What Would José Do?” Never had a problem figurin’ that out.
Dear Jesus, will my child in Heaven know me when I cross over Jordan? Signed, Lonely.
Dear Lonely, your precious child alreay knows you are his mother. Always has, always will. He cain’t wait to see you again. He’s got a secret fishin’ hole on the Jordan River up here and he’s gonna take you there to catch a mess of fish as soon as you walk through the pearly gates.
And for the record, Heaven ain’t a place like West Virginia, which is almost heaven. Heaven’s in you and around you. Anytime you feel close to me, anytime you feel love, anytime you reach out and help somebody, well, that’s what heaven is. And hell? Hell’s just the opposite. I cain’t think of nothin’ more miserable than a clogged up heart.
Now, I’m really tired, so I’m done for today, but I’ll leave you with a little ditty I wrote:
If I could do it all over again
I’d come back as a dog,
’cause dog spelled backwards comes out god
and it’s hard to hate a dog.
’cause a good dog’ll love you when you’re up or down
or somewhere in between,
and that’s the same way I love you,
black, white, red, yellow and green.
If I could do it all over again
I’d come back as a child
and I’d play in the laps of all the mean folks
until I made ’em smile,
then I’d tickle ’em till they laughed so hard
that they might even cry,
then I’d kiss their tears and calm their fears
and make ’em sweet as pie.
If I could do it all over again
I might come back as you,
or you, or you, or you, or you.
Yeah, that’s just what I’d do.
And with me deep inside you,
you’d have a brand new heart,
and you’d love your neighbors as your selves.
That’d be a real good start.
…and that’s the View from The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, writer, and a former triathlete. He may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com.
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