"The View Beyond The Balcony" by Randy Weeks
For those of you who haven’t followed this series over the past eight years (shame on you!), what follows is a collection of phrases and comments that others have made that caught my attention. I serve them up with no context so you, the reader, can take them anywhere you wish.
I’m floundering, but it’s a comfortable floundering.
Condommints.
My children aren’t perfect. They’re perfectly imperfect. (Gavin Newsom, Gov. of CA)
It was kind of a dream except for reality.
Please re-innerate that.
Love did not end when he, my father, died. It just changed rooms. (Facebook post)
Sometimes I have to tame my freakiness. • I ain’t a’ goin’ ho’in’ ‘round town.
We need to get people out of their immediacy.
Love does not pass. It changes shape.
Putin pootin’.
Fake news. Flake news.
“Hey! I threw up in my mouth!” (Christopher Walken in The Good Guys)
Keep America green. Plant oregano.
My dermatologist said I needed to exfoliate my skin. I have a friend who is a crop duster who defoliates crops. I thought, “Hey. There’s only one letter difference between the two,” so I got nekkid, stood out in a cotton field and he defoliated my skin. Now I don’t have any boll weevils in my body.
I didn’t do nothin’ this morning but b*ng my girl and eat some Cocoa Puffs. (NYPD Blue)
Do whatever it takes to get you through－God, a Snicker’s bar, or whatever will get you through.
Herefur: “I am here for her.”
Once you let evil into your home it brings the rest of its family along.
When silence becomes a family inheritance…
Christian war mongers.
Astral. Ass trail.
“The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.” J. Paul Getty
I’m selectively codependent.
Lord of the bad knees.
Lies we tell Dracula.
I could stand to raise my cholesterol a bit.
Where do you put your hate?
The tongue has no bones, but it crushes just the same. (The Forgiven)
My heart’s in bad shape. They tell me I have to have a triple overpass. (Hill St. Blues)
Unjudge someone yourself.
My DNA is written in Comic Sans.
Do people know when you’re texting them from the toilet?
My face is an invitation to rejection.
Your teeth look like they’re going through a divorce.
I’m somewhere between hope and despair.
…and that’s the View Beyond The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Telemental Health Provider, Certified Shamanic Life Coach, ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, and writer. He gets a real kick out of wordplay, so much so that sometimes his friends have to say, “No mas! No mas!”
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