"The View Beyond The Balcony" by Randy Weeks
During the spring recruiting season, Pete Golding and Lane Kiffin found themselves relieving themselves at side-by-side urinals in the same gas station restroom. Lane finished first and washed his hands. Before he could get out the door, Pete finished and was walking out behind Kiff. Kiffin stopped, looked back at Golding, and asked, “Didn’t your mama teach you to wash your hands after you take a leak?” Golding shot back, “Didn’t your mama teach you not to take a leak on your hands?”
On Saturday, September 19, college football’s Black Hatted Bad Boy Villain returns to the scene of what may be his biggest crime in his NCAA football coaching career, with his new team, LSWho. Emotions will be running high as the boys wearing Royal Poople and Pee Yeller slither into the Vaught to try to lay a whoopin’ on the Cardinal Red and Navy Blue men. (It’s not yet known what shade of blue the Rebs will wear, but fans will “Stripe the Vaught,” donning powder blue or cardinal red, depending on their seating section.)
I don’t really want to rehash the story of Kiff’s betrayal, but I will comment on it. Remember when Sinator Tommy Tooberville said he wasn’t going to leave for Auburn? I saw T-shirts in the Grove based on the Jim Carrey movie Liar, Liar, with Tubbyville’s mug on them. Seemed apropos to me. It would be apropos even now.
To be fair, there are some understandable reasons head coaches lie about leaving one team for another, morale being a huge one. When a team thinks their head coach who has led them to an amazing winning season is about to jump tracks for another school, spirit could easily go off the rails. In my sometimes–less-than-humble opinion, an honorable head coach would never do that. But that’s in a perfect world, and I think we all know how imperfect college sports can be.
Coaches have a right to build their careers by moving to a more challenging and lucrative position, just as a salesperson has a right to try to move into management and/or ownership or to even move to a different company to advance their careers. It’s the lack of loyalty that bugs me. In my ignorance of exactly how the NCAA works, it seems to me they could fix this.
Why not ban coaches from leaving their team and signing with another until the season and/or postseason is over? Even if coaches are being considered for other teams, they can still have a commitment to the team they coached all season long.
I applaud Pete Golding for how he stepped up to the plate—wait—that’s a baseball metaphor. I applaud Pete Golding for taking the snap and leading the Rebs to victories after Lame took his train on a different track. I hope Golding leads the Rebels to a crushing victory over LSWho, one that derails that damn train. But, hey, a one-point win in overtime might be the best revenge! Watch out, Lame, the Hotty Toddy Express is rolling your way!
By the way, a county-wide run on corn dogs and mustard is almost a given. I’ve got mine. Get yours while you still can!
…and that’s the View from Beyond The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Telemental Health Provider, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, and writer. He may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com. If you see him out and about, buy him a corndog and make sure to have plenty of mustard!
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