Randy Weeks

Published on October 6th, 2021 | by Randy Weeks


The View From The Balcony: “Notes in My Phone IV”

More stuff I’ve heard, read, or thought from The Balcony and elsewhere.

Genu flecked. It was only the slightest of flecks, but she had forgotten that in the presence of these gargantuan fleckers, even the slightest misstep in faux flecking would bring down the cumulative ire of true flecking fleckers, flecking far and wide. It suddenly came to him: he was totally flecked no matter which direction he took.

• Not everyone drinks from the same fountain. • I’m a much better sinner than I am a saint. • Ain’t it a ditch?! • I’ll pull your mythical underwear over you storied head. • You’re the sous chef of love. • Gender euphoria. • A butterfly still has the same heart as it did when it was a caterpillar. • She’s been acting half better…in a Mississippi way. • Homostupidus. • Unfiltered disappointment. • Will you be the one who has the dates you were born and died with a hyphen in between on your tombstone and that hyphen was your life? • Conversationis interruptus. • Bootyism. • I’d rather go to the dentist than fool with my Etsy. • It’s not primitive unless you stink. • Grab life by the beaver nuggets. • Narstatistic. • Not going in my grave without my uterus. • Polipop religion. • Our calling to be is an invitation to participate with the Divine. • In frequently. • I eat and I know things. • Do you know anyone who has some inertia I could snort right up my nostril? • Heliogasms. • You’ll smother in a Yeti chest. • Co-pathetic. • I am a well-known schmuck. • Ambisextrious. • Mindfully Pentecostal. • People thought Jesus was blasphemous too. • Dudesplain. • Denialism: Denial of my nihilism. • She talks like a Gatling gun. • It’s expensive to be poor. • Don’t abuse someone else’s generosity. • The Universe has done heard that crap. • A cake is more a cake when you’ve dropped it on the floor. • They say I’m dying, but who ain’t? • My mother taught me how to throw up using a pen. She always knew how to help out. • I’ve had a lot of dreams, but I never had a plan. • Salt Lake City: home of the Stepford lesbians. • I could photoshop that out. • But I’m only going to marry you a little bit. • God is whatever pulls your face out of the dirt. (Gilbert) • When people show you who they are, believe them the first time (Maya Angelou) • If the kazoo fits, blow it. • When we are killed the past is killed. When kids are killed the future dies. There’s no life without the future. (Hold the Dark – movie) • Academic goosebumps. • You heard me better than I heard myself. • Everybody needs to be able to hiccup without judgment. • Even our worst mistakes don’t separate us from humanity (Wes Moore) • What must it be like to have a Jesus palette? • My left ear is not right. • I can’t write a song like anyone but me. • I looked like everything you’d lost. (JM) • Close fetched. • Do I have ringlets yet? • Where’s the corndog? • I can play in that arena. • You’re a big ole ball of good. • When I’m sober I’m a stand up human being. • Obeast. • Analyze, anal eyes. • Fishing for compassion. • Lack of judgment is my spiritual gift. • Slumming with my Cheetos. • Watusi woosie. • I do my best work in the dark. • Everybody wants to feed me Jesus. • Stronger than eight rows of onions. (Gene Chisik) • Faux chivalry. • Cognitive dissidents. • I’d rather flirt with failure than not dance with my joy. (Wes Moore) • Inverted reality. • I don’t do this but look at what I did. • If they goal is losing, they’re winning. • I feel like he didn’t give me enough cherries. • Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Maybe I did, maybe I don’t. • Ask my neurons. (LG) • Every dress is a Sazerac dress. • There’s a snail in it now. • Concentrating on a bauble. • He knows it’s time to leave but he can’t figure it out. • He needed to learn to let her be her own donut. • There are some things you wish you didn’t feel, but you do. • My brain never let me agree to this. (LG) • I’ve been coming to this Balcony for 25 years and it always felt sturdy to me. (LB)

… and that’s the view from The Balcony.

Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, and a singer-songwriter. He may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com.

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