Creative Writing

Published on November 15th, 2007 | by TLV News

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The LSU Coonass: 10 Stories You’ll Love to Hate

If there’s one thing SEC football fans agree on is which team to hate the most:  LSU.  

All rivalries take a back seat to this team and one of the biggest reasons is because of the legendary obnoxious rowdiness of a segment of their fan base.  

Every year the game is played, a new round of stories of LSU evilness emerge, usually involving profanity and throwing things. There are so many generations of LSU-Ole Miss stories a book could probably be made.  

We asked locals as well as Rebel alumni on www.nafoom.com to tell us some of their favorites from years past. Not only did we get quite a few good ones, we even got some from Mississippi State fans.

Oh, yeah. The identity of their authors have been keep anonymous to protect the innocent.

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VW vs. SUV

by Raw Cooter

In 1998, I was on my way home from working at Proud Larry’s. I was in my car at the four corners at that stoplight when this truck full of drunken LSU fans pulled up next to me and yelled “faggot” at me and so I flipped ‘em off and drove away down University Avenue towards campus.

They chased me…they followed me down the street and when we got to the stoplight in front of the Methodist Church and The Big House, and two of those LSU guys got out and rushed my car, calling me a “nose-ring faggot.”

They reached in the window and tried to pull me out of the car, so I dropped it into reverse, floored it, and rammed my car into theirs! Yes, I backed my Volkswagon bug into their mighty SUV and then took off again.

I turned at the Episcopal Church, went down that steep hill and then took a left towards the Oxford Junior High, all the way down that curvy road where the Park Commission is– I think it’s Price Street.

So I went all the way to the cop shop because I couldn’t outrun them, and there were four on one and I was gonna get my ass whupped. I drove into the police station, got out and went inside the back door. I yelled, “Anybody here?” and walked down the hall. I just kinda walked into the control center and the officer was sitting there with his feet up.

When he saw me he was like, “What the –? !” I had surprised him. I just said, “These LSU fans have been chasing me all over Oxford, they called me a faggot and are chasing me,” and just then all those coonasses came running in there all drunk.

At first they didn’t realize it was the police station; they were yelling and shouting, “What the hell’s going on? Hey! You rammed my car!” The cop just asked me if that was true and I said, “Yeah, but only because these guys were trying to pull me out of my car and were threatening to kick my ass. I was just minding my own business and they started chasing me and calling me names.”

The cop could tell that they were obviously stinking drunk so he arrested them and I went on home. It was great!

Oh, by the way, the next day, we won the game against LSU with Deuce McAllister in overtime.

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The Sledgehammer

by Koban The Barbarian

When I was in my first year of Grad school at Ole Miss, Eli Manning‘s senior year, There were a number of things that made that game ….er..memorable.

A few things I remember before the game:

Thurs? before the game we had a nice pep rally in the Square, and some young Rebels fans had a nasty car with LSU painted all over it. For a few bucks you could beat the shit out of it with a sledge hammer (well worth the money).

After the pep ralley, I was walking to my car and a bunch of asshole coonasses who had rented a place on North Lamar started cussing everyone and throwing shit out of the windows at all of the Ole Miss fans. Not too shocking but it pissed me the fuck off that someone would rent a prime spot like that to a buch of LSU fans.

Friday I came to class to learn that LSU fans had gone around the campus vandalizing a number of buildings during the night (I heard they broke windows and painted some shit purple and yellow). For the first time since I started in college, the Geology department said that they were locking up most of the class buildings and even grad students with keys had to check in with the security stationed in the locked buildings.

I have a few more stories from Baton Rouge but I’m sure somebody has a story about getting peed on and mine are just typical assholes starting fights and throwing cups and bottles.

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Coonass Riot of 2003

by someonestolemyusernamedamnit

Since it’s in Oxford this year I’ll not bother going into any of the numerous stories from my trips to Baton Rouge. We’ve all got them.

One experience I’ll never forget is witnessing what happened on The Square between 208 and Larry’s the night before the big game in ’03.

It was an orgy of drunken coonass LSU students hell-bent on starting a riot, drunken Ole Miss frat boys and sorority girls and Oxford’s finest – backed up by a group of over-zealous Lafayette County deputies on the verge of living out their life-long dream of getting to beat down a bunch of “snobby, rich” Ole Miss students. Ironically, or perhaps not so ironically, the sheriff’s deputies came closer to causing things to get out of hand than any of the students.

Two years ago, a large group of LSU students congregated in the middle of the Walk of Champions with a huge LSU flag and started raising hell. Naturally, it attracted a large group of Ole Miss students with a huge rebel flag.

They were going back and forth telling one another to go to hell, doing “Tiger Bait” and “Hotty Toddy” chants, etc. I walk up to get as close to the action as possible along with probably another hundred fans. The OM students lift a little kid – probably 11 or 12 years old – up over their heads and he throws up two middle fingers to the LSU students and screams out every possible variation of the word “f**k.” It was great.

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True Story from 1978

by TheRevCharlieT

At the 1978 game I sat in the Ole Miss section in Tiger Stadium. My seat was three rows under the upper deck of the south end zone. As we walked into the stadium the students who lived in the south end zone dormitory had banners hung that stated John Fourcade was a piss drinker, but that is a side story.

The real story was the Tiger fans above us. It was an older couple in their late thirties or early forties. The lady had a water pistol and sprayed the pretty little Ole Miss coeds all game long. At the beginning of the third quarter a couple of Phi Delts decided they had enough of that couple and tossed their empty bottles at them.

Well they should not have done so as the two above us had taken a marine ice chest – one of those 110 quart jobs – into the the stadium. Back in my day it was legal to take just about anything you could haul into the stadium.

The lady stood up and yelled “Go to hell, Ole Miss, here’s you late night snack!” and for the next minute or so it rained rotten mustard style potato salad. These kids appealed to the local cops only to get the statement of you should not have started throwing your bottles.

To say the least these coeds and their dates were the laugh of the game.

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Several years ago

by Etolonel Colonel

Several years ago when LSU was having down years, I went to a game in Baton Rouge, and our group of 4 got tickets from an LSU booster and sat in nothing but LSU fans. The guy in front of us was friendly and started talking to us and said, “Ole Miss always been my second favorite team. I like that flag y’all wave. If you ask me, they shouldn’t let n****rs play college sports at all!”

We kept our mouths shut, as we were in dangerous territory. Needless to say, the experience affirmed my previous decision not to wave the rebel flag at games a few years before. The sad part is that Ole Miss suffers from the stereotype of racism, while this guy is openly telling me his Klan-ish views and bragging how Denham Springs used to be KKK headquarters. It never crossed his mind that fans of Ole Miss would not share his views.

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F.U. Little Rebel

by NatchezReb

In the mid to late ’80s in Jackson, I was about 7 or 8 years old and carrying my OM flag on my shoulder. An LSU fan walked up behind me, lit a cigarette lighter, set the flag on fire and said F*** you little Rebel.

Needless to say, I have hated the corn dogs ever since. Saturday against BAMA was the only time I have ever pulled for them.

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One Finger Salute

by Coastie from Gulfport

In ‘98, me and a group of friends were sitting in the Union having just consumed some tasty Chick-fil-a strips on the Wednesday afternoon before the LSU game. We were sitting there, quitely minding our own business and thanking god for spandex and sports bras, when the entire 2nd floor of the union becomes silent.

Up the escalator/stairs (cant remember now) comes about 8 f**king drunk ass coonasses. All of them were wearing purple and yellow but the one leading the pack was wearing a purple/yellow suit with Wayfarer sunglasses and was giving the ole’ one finger salute with both hands.

They were all yelling various Rebel insults until they got to the cafeteria and got shouted out by what looked like a whole sorority of chicks who were of course at the salad bar.

That was the first time I’d been on campus for an LSU game, I had been to the ‘97 game in Red Stick when we beat them, when they were ranked #7, and knew they were asses but I could not believe they would do that at the visiting stadium.

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Go to Hell Charlie Mac

by bigrebone

Back in 1972, we played LSU in Jackson. I was a boy scout and ushered the game; because, we got in for free. Since our troop was from Kosciusko and not Jackson, we always got stuck ushering the visitor’s side of the field.

We beat LSU that day 24-22 in a hard fought game. Well during the third quarter about 20 rows down from the portal in the middle of the visitor’s side, This LSU fan started yelling out, “Go to Hell Charlie Mac”…. dog cussing their own coach; because, we were winning.

About 10 rows up from him another LSU fan started cussing him and taking up for Charlie Mac…. This went on for about 5 minutes until the guy taking up for Charlie Mac got up and went down and commenced to whip the other guys ass…..

Great! Two coonasses fighting over Charlie Mac……. We waited as long as we could before going to get a security guard. It was a good fight. Since no Ole Miss fans were involved, no harm done.

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My Dad was Shocked

by BigErnMcracken

When I was a kid (probably 7 or 8, my dad took me to Baton Rouge for a game. We were winning at half time but ended up getting beat by like 35 or something.

Right before the buzzer rang, you see a glass bottle come from the upper deck. It hit a little girl about 8 rows up from us. Split her head wide open. She was unconscious and they had to bring a stretcher, etc. We had to wait for like 20 minutes. It was a bad scene.

Anyway, we leave the stadium. We are walking to the SUV and there is a couple standing by the back left door of our vehicle. They are probably mid-60’s or so. The guy has his pants down and is pissing on the back left tire / door of our vehicle.

My dad was shocked. He sort of sat there for a second. The man and woman notice us standing there and turn around. The guy, while pissing, looks at my dad and goes….”what?”

Haven’t been back in almost 20 years.

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The End All…

by GroveHard

I bought a ticket from a scalper Eli’s junior year down in Baton Rouge who assured me that it was with “them Ole Miss folks.” Of course, it was actually in the thick of their walk-on alumni crowd.

A pack of coonasses near me was shitfaced, including a 15 year old, who after falling over the bleachers during a celebratory jig-like dance, promptly threw up on me.

After kicking him until my leg hurt, I was asked to relocate by security.

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And now #11: your bonus story:

Old Missy MFers

by bigrebone

In ‘84, we went to the OM-LSU game in Baton Rouge. We got tickets in the LSU section and there was this tiny 70 yr old lady for LSU in front of us.

My roommate was raising hell the whole game; because, we were winning…. Hadn’t won in Baton Rouge in a long, long time….

However, at the end of the game LSU intercepted a pass and ran it back for a TD to beat us 32-29. This tiny silver-haired old lady, who wieghed no more than 85 or 90 lbs, turned around and began cussing us with every name in the book, dropping F-bombs, calling us Old Missy motherf**kers. Telling us to get the fuck out of here… on and on…

The whole time, my roommate was laughing at her and cussing right back. This old lady starts shaking her fist at him… I thought she was gonna punch him out…. Finally, I got us the fuck out of there; before her we got our asses kicked by all the other pissed off LSewers around us.

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This article was originally published in The Local Voice #41 November 15-29, 2007. 

LSU Fans Smell Just Like Corn Dogs
The Modern-Day Musician - Part 2: The Color of Sound

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About the Author

The Local Voice is a bimonthly entertainment guide and newspaper based in Oxford, Mississippi, covering and distributed in North Central Mississippi, including Oxford, Ole Miss, Taylor, Abbeville, Water Valley, Lafayette County, Yalobusha County, and parts of Panola County, Marshall County, and Tupelo . The Local Voice is distributed free to over 255 locations in North Mississippi and also available as a full color PDF download worldwide on the internet.



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