William Shakespeare, The Bard, was in town for the Ole Miss-LSU game. He sauntered up the stairs at City Grocery and ordered a pint of mead. Astonished that mead was not served there, he settled for a glass of pinot noir. The Balcony was crowded as it always is on game weekends, so seeing that I had an empty chair at the table where I was sitting, he asked if he could join me. Of course I said yes. Conversation ensued.
“My name is Randy.”
Hello, Randy. Are you randy, Randy?
Uh, sometimes. (We laughed.) And you are?
William. William Shakespeare. But you can call me Willie.
(Laughing) Well, Willie, a lot of people call me Willie, too, so let’s not get confused!
Ah . . . Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
So you’re William Shakespeare?
In the flesh.
Yeah. Sure.
Our doubts are traitors. Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that sun doth not move; doubt truth to be a liar?
Uh, no.
Then doubt not I am who I sayest I am.
Ok, Willie. What brings you to Oxford?
Good company, good wine, good welcome can make good people.
That’s from Henry VIII.
I know. I wrote the thing.
Of course you did. Have you ever heard Herman’s Hermits song about that?
Why, yes! (Singing) I’m ‘enery the eigth I yam. ‘enery the eighth I yam I yam. Now, I must say, this is not the Oxford of my home country.
How so?
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy—rich, not gaudy, for the apparel oft proclaims the man, or the woman in this case. That being said, this might be the best balcony scene since my Romeo and Juliet. Watching all the loveliness from this crow’s nest, why, I am King Leer! (Slaps his knee and laughs)
No doubt. Are you here to see the Rebels play the Tigers?
Yes. And I am for the Rebels. I’ve written many rebels into my plays—Brutus and Cassius, Hotspur and Prince Hal, and Katherine, for instance.
Ah. Makes sense.
As you like it.
Serious question: What do you think about the state of the world today?
The world is grown so bad, that wrens make prey where eagles dare not perch. O, it is excellent to have a giant’s strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant. There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.
That sounds quite ominous. Certainly not much ado about nothing.
Not at all, Randy Willie.
More like a tempest.
I couldn’t have said it better.
What about censorship? I know you framed many what some would call “subversive” messages in your work. Lately two of our most famous comedian/satirists have temporarily lost their shows because of things they’ve said that angered the powers that be.
Yes, I did that and I got away with it. So did Jonathan Swift in Gulliver’s Travels, as did others. You have the freedom of speech in your Constitution, so I’m guessing that tyranny must be at foot at the highest levels.
I agree. Then what are we to do?
One cannot protest too much, methinks. Fear kills action, but action kills fear.
You speak a high and lofty truth.
Ah. That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
It’s time for me to go, Willie. It was beyond my pleasure to meet and talk with you. Enjoy the game. If the Rebels win it will be more than a midsummer’s night dream.
To sleep, perchance to dream. We are such stuff as dreams are made on.
I bow to thee, Great Bard. Now I take my leave.
Fare thee well, Randy Willie; thou art a valiant old fart.
…and that’s the View from The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor (not Shakespearian), writer, and a former triathlete. He may be reached at: randallsweeks@gmail.com. Most of Shakespeare’s words in this column were taken from the plays Macbeth, Henry VIII, Hamlet, King Richard III, Measure for Measure, Julius Caesar, and As You Like It. Other parts were bastardized by Randy Willie.
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