As we’ve entered the new year, triumphed over great gridiron victories, and made it through ICEageddon, it seemed only fitting to pick up where we left off in August of 2025 with another installment of “Notes in My Phone.” For those of you who haven’t followed this series over the past eight years (shame on you!), these are a collection of phrases and comments that others have made that caught my attention. I serve them up with no context so you, the reader, can take it anywhere you wish.
The OxFreudian.
A fake alias.
His anus is tighter than a fine-toothed comb.
Why do they call it a “hysterectomy” and not a “herstorectomy”?
Fear kills action. Action kills fear.
Honest lies.
There’s no need to complain. Half the people you complain to don’t care and the other half think you got exactly what you deserve.
My psychotherapeutic history is so old it can legally drink now.
Oxymoron: Someone who overdoses on Oxycontin or the dumbest ox in the herd.
Make America Grate Again.
I am bizarrely memorable.
I have a recreational anger level.
I have to scroll down to get to myself.
I did not know that you were that invested in performance.
Ruthless. Less Ruth.
Superlative laxatives: super poopers.
Some people prefer a chewier noodle.
The enlightened redneck.
Everybody has a chapter in their life they don’t want read.
Hamsterdam.
Julius sees her. Julius seized her. Julius seizures.
My grip is firmly around the scrotum of life, and I will never let go. (Ali Larter, “Landman”)
Wine is poetry in a bottle. (Amadaes)
It takes two to tangle.
Hubris. Hugh’s bris.
It’s not like an atomic bomb is going to drop on Rolling Fork anytime soon.
Redundancies are redumbdant.
You can actually pay for an eagle to eat a rat named after your ex.
I feel a revolution coming on.
Unpresidented.
You don’t have to be a Jew to protect a Jew.
What’s easy to get into and hard to get out of? Trouble.
“If we’re not at the table we’re on the menu . . . Now it’s ‘The strong can do whatever they want and the poor must suffer what they can.’” (Mark Carney, Canadian Prime Minister)
Jesus was an underdog.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, a singer/songwriter, actor, and an ordained minister. He may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com.
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