They’rrrre baaak! Yes, my fellow Oxfordians, the students of the University of Mississippi have once again returned in full-force for another semester of avid study (except for the freshmen), debauchery in the Grove, debauchery on the Square, projectile vomiting of alcoholic beverages anywhere and everywhere, and a plethora of excuses for OPD and mamaanddaddydandthem for just about anything and everything. RAH-RAH-RAH! SIS-BOOM-BAH! GOOO Rebels! Welcome back, students. Welcome back.
In the hilarious Mel Brooks movie, History of the World, Part 1, Moses came down from Mount Sinai with three tablets of stone, each with five commandments given by G_d. When he was nearly to the bottom of the mountain he announced “The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen… (then he dropped one of the tablets) …Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!”
There are more than a few things all students should make it their business to know as they enter the new academic semester. In my sometimes questionable and semi-infinite wisdom, I offer a new set of commandments for some of the things you should and should not do. Let those who have eyes to read see and understand.
The Fifteen Commandments for Students at the University of Mississippi
1. Do not make fools of yourselves. Well, maybe just a wee bit.
2. Do not do or say anything you cannot fix or retract. That’s like trying to pick up all the feathers from a feather pillow on a windy day. Good luck with that.
3. Do not mock or make fun of anyone. Healthy people build up, not tear down. Don’t do anything to someone else you wouldn’t want done to you.
4. Do not flaunt your wealth or good looks. You could lose those in a New York minute. Practice humility and gratitude.
5. Do not haze anyone. You’re all on the same team. Initiations can be fun and safe without shaming and demeaning crap. Karma is a bitch!
6. Don’t drown in the Velvet Ditch. (Not the café that sits across from the drunk’s best friend—Chevron chicken-on-a-stick. That greasy stuff won the coveted Jimbo’s Beard award.)
7. Do think of the long-term consequences of anything you post on social media. When it’s out there it’s out there for all time and eternity. Your eventual career search may wind up being sabotaged by what was so damn funny … at the time.
8. Do step in and rescue anyone you see being hazed. Hazing has led to permanent physical and psychological impairment, and even death.
9. Do study. You’re preparing for adulthood. You can study and still have fun. I promise.
10. Do take advantage of a muddy Grove. It’s nature’s slip ‘n slide and some of the dirtiest fun you’ll ever have.
11. Do scream Hotty Toddy at the top of your lungs until you can’t scream anymore. It’s a tradition, and a good one at that.
12. Do get into good trouble. Look it up. It’s the secret to a life of integrity. Please look it up.
13. Do learn your lessons well, both in and out of the classroom. College is a petri dish for a well-rounded education and a doorway to a healthy and successful adulthood.
14. Do spend less time with your electronic devices and more time with others. One source says that in the United States, one pedestrian is killed every two hours while crossing the street while texting on their smartphones. (Mickey Keenan, P.A., Attorneys at Law) And please don’t share a meal with someone while entirely on your phone. Talk to whomever is sitting across the table from you.
15. Do listen more than you talk. Therein lies wisdom. I’ll say it again: Do listen more than you talk. Therein lies wisdom.
… and that’s the View from The Balcony.
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Telemental Health Provider, Certified Shamanic Life Coach, ordained minister, singer-songwriter, actor, writer, and former triathlete. Every now and then he practices what he preaches.
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