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Sociologist Amy McDowell studies impact of silence, chitchat in church
In a new book, University of Mississippi sociologist Amy McDowell says small talk can be used as a tool to block meaningful conversation in the evangelical church, leaving some people feeling isolated in their beliefs that conflict with Christian nationalism.
NYU Press published McDowell’s Whispers in the Pews: Evangelical Uniformity in a Divided America in March. The associate professor of sociology spent nearly three years and countless hours studying a local church congregation in Oxford.
She found that while many topics were up for discussion – such as traditional gender roles and the benefits of evangelical work – what went unsaid was just as important.
“Small talk is a mechanism for ignoring the elephant in the room,” she said. “We think about small talk as the banter that you do to break the ice with people, and that’s not bad. But it can be taken to the extreme.
“It can fill in for the thing that’s uncomfortable to talk about or fill in for the spaces where there might be disagreement or doubt. This constrains what people feel they can voice or raise questions about because they think they may be seen as suspect or not fully in line with what it means to be a believer.”
Though written about a single church and its members, the message of Whispers in the Pews is applicable to many social groups and even friendships, said Dawne Moon, professor and director of interdisciplinary gender and sexualities studies at Marquette University.
“McDowell’s book is an excellent, up-close view of how difficult it is to create a welcoming community that can help people to avoid some of the challenges that arise,” said Moon, who contributed a blurb to the book “A truly loving and welcoming community would love people unconditionally.
“This book shows how difficult that can be, especially when we are convinced that some people are closer to God’s ideal than others.”
Using pseudonyms for the church and its congregants, McDowell shows that when topics such as politics, sexuality and race are intentionally or unintentionally silenced, church members are left to face those issues alone.
“Maybe that was most apparent in Darlene,” McDowell said, referring to a church member featured in the book.
At a catfish fry, Darlene confessed to McDowell that while she and her husband were happy in the church, her son was struggling to find a congregation that would welcome him.
“First, she told me that her son is single, and I’m trying to figure out why she’s telling me this,” she said. “But the way she said it made it clear that she wasn’t sure if she should be saying it. Then she told me that her son is gay, and he can’t find a church home.”
Darlene explained that her husband supports President Donald Trump, whereas her son does not, and that has caused heated discussions in their home.
“And I realized that she feels like she’s in the middle of that tension,” McDowell said. “She feels like she can’t bring him up.”
Feeling as though bringing up her son’s sexuality or her family’s political differences was unwelcome at church, Darlene was left to face those issues alone, McDowell’s work shows.
Even during seemingly relevant political moments – such as the passing of HB 1523, a Mississippi law that in part allows businesses and health care facilities to refuse service to members of the LGBTQ+ community, or when multiple neo-Confederate groups protested on the Ole Miss campus in 2019 – church leaders remained silent, McDowell reported.
“For conservative, evangelical Christians, there’s a lot of talk about ‘us’ and ‘them,'” she said. “There’s this embattled identity. You’re embattled with secular culture, with Christians who don’t think the way you do, with mainline Protestants.
“This creates a boundary between who they are and who they’re not. And if you speak out about a topic that could expose a progressive point of view, they might think you’re one of ‘them.'”
McDowell called the enforced or implied idea of who and what a Christian is, “biblical sameness.” Striving for this biblical sameness – and ignoring or not encouraging diverse discourse – diminishes the complex thoughts and ideas of people who frequent the church, she said.
It also convinces seemingly silent minorities to conform to vocal majority position that restricts who and what belongs in America, the book argues.
In private interviews, McDowell found that many church members disagreed with one another on socially relevant topics, but that difference was never acknowledged amongst the larger group.
“A lot of people are yearning for community,” she said. “They’re yearning for a space where they can feel supported. And because they feel they can’t say things that aren’t in line with the white conservative status quo, they’re feeling alienated.
“They feel like they’re the only one who thinks or feels that way, and they’re not.”
by Clara Turnage
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