{"id":81412,"date":"2019-11-14T07:15:51","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T13:15:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=81412"},"modified":"2019-11-13T21:26:29","modified_gmt":"2019-11-14T03:26:29","slug":"view-from-the-balcony-the-mass-proliferation-of-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/view-from-the-balcony-the-mass-proliferation-of-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"View from the Balcony: “The Mass Proliferation of Holidays”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The holidays are upon us and they are legion. We know about the biggies, but there are many lesser-known holidays\u2014some a wee bit whacky. As a gift to you I share some of them. No thanks necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

November 28, Thanksgiving Day<\/strong>, is, for most Mississippians, also Egg Bowl<\/strong> Day. It\u2019s French Toast Day<\/strong>, too, so raise a glass to the country that gave us bread soaked in eggs! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 29th is Black Friday<\/strong>, when everyone who shops at Walmart <\/strong>gets a black eye. It\u2019s also Square Dance Day<\/strong>, so while you\u2019re getting your black eye you can do-si-do and ho-down, too! Oh. It\u2019s \u201choe down,\u201d not \u201cho down\u201d? Never mind. (Apologies to the late Gilda Radner<\/strong>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

December 1 is World Aids Awareness Day<\/strong>. It\u2019s also Eat a Red Apple Day<\/strong>. I say, \u201cGood pairing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second is National Fritters Day<\/strong>, so let\u2019s all fritter some time away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advent begins on the third. Ironically it\u2019s also National Roof Over Your Head Day<\/strong>. Why ironically? Because Joseph <\/strong>and Mary <\/strong>couldn\u2019t get a room at the inn the night Jesus was born. Duh!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fourth is Wear Brown Shoes Day<\/strong>. Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bathtub Party Day<\/strong> and Repeal Day<\/strong>\u2014the day the 21st Amendment ended Prohibition\u2014are on the fifth. BPD and RD on the fifth? You can\u2019t make that stuff up!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Europe the sixth is Bartender Appreciation Day<\/strong>. It\u2019s also Put on Your Own Shoes Day<\/strong>, which, after BPD and RD on the fifth, could prove challenging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

December 7 is Pearl Harbor Day<\/strong>. Am I the only one who finds it strange that it\u2019s also International Civil Aviation Day<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brownie Day<\/strong> is the eighth. It\u2019s also Take It in the Ear Day<\/strong>. I ain\u2019t touchin\u2019 that!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 10th is Human Rights Day<\/strong>. Right. Is there a Human Lefts Day<\/strong>? I seriously doubt it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the Manicotti Mafia<\/strong>, the 11th is National Noodle Ring Day<\/strong>, followed by National Ding-a-Ling Day<\/strong> on the 12th, when Chuck Berry<\/strong>\u2019s cover of the Dave Bartholomew<\/strong> song, \u201cMy Ding-a-Ling,\u201d became his only #1 Billboard <\/em>Hot 100 hit. Maybe Chuck should have played with his ding-a-ling sooner. Just sayin\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

November 14 is my son\u2019s birthday. It\u2019s International Monkey Day<\/strong>, too. And when, pray tell, is International Monkee Day<\/strong>? It\u2019s also Roast Chestnuts Day<\/strong>, which is, I believe, how Mel Torme<\/strong> died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day<\/strong>, proving once and for all that there is a god. It\u2019s followed by National Maple Syrup Day<\/strong> on the 17th, suggesting that god might be from Vermont<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 21st is Humbug Day<\/strong> and Look on the Bright Side Day<\/strong>: Ebenezer Scrooge<\/strong> meets Eric Idle<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Channukuh <\/strong>starts on the 22nd and lasts for eight days, during which time observers argue over whether it should be spelled \u201cChanukah\u201d or \u201cHanukkah.\u201d Oy vey! It\u2019s also Winter Solstice<\/strong>, the shortest day of the year, thank Jehovah<\/strong>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Festivus <\/strong>(for the rest of us) is December 23, the day to eat soup and watch re-runs of Seinfeld<\/em>, be master of your domain, and complain about shrinkage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 24th is National Chocolate Day<\/strong> and National Egg Nog Day<\/strong>. Combine the two for another good pairing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, the 25th is Christmas<\/strong>, or Unboxing Day<\/strong>. It\u2019s followed by Boxing Day<\/strong> on the 26th, when you put stuff back in the box and return it to the store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

National Fruitcake Day<\/strong> is the 27th and is celebrated by seeing who can chuck the fruitcake the farthest, even if the fruitcake is your Uncle George<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Appropriately enough, December 30 is both Bacon Day<\/strong> and National Bicarbonate of Soda Day<\/strong>. Yet another good pairing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And December 31 is New Year\u2019s Eve<\/strong>, Make Up Your Mind Day<\/strong>, and Unlucky Day<\/strong>. Just call it WTF Day<\/strong> and get it over with!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a serious note, as a mental health professional, let me give some of you some relief. It\u2019s truly unfortunate that not every family is like a Norman Rockwell<\/strong> painting, but they aren\u2019t. If yours is, or if they\u2019re even close, fall on your knees and give thanks. Unless you\u2019re in prison or in the military, there\u2019s no law that says you have to spend holidays with anyone you don\u2019t want to. So if your family is toxic, if they make the Holy Days hellish, make other plans. Either skip the holidays with them or limit your time with them. Despite all the angst you might experience, in the end you\u2019ll probably be glad you did it. It\u2019s legal and it\u2019s not a sin\u2014and I\u2019ve got the credentials to back that up, too. Really.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s the view from The Balcony. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The holidays are upon us and they are legion. We know about the biggies, but there are many<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":262,"featured_media":39753,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11902],"tags":[11249,10286,10426],"class_list":["post-81412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-randy-weeks","tag-holidays","tag-randy-weeks","tag-view-from-the-balcony"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/2017-5-11-View-from-the-Balcony.jpg?fit=600%2C400&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81412","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/262"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81412"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81412\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/39753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81412"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81412"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81412"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}