{"id":47122,"date":"2018-06-19T16:12:58","date_gmt":"2018-06-19T22:12:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=47122"},"modified":"2018-06-19T16:13:28","modified_gmt":"2018-06-19T22:13:28","slug":"the-view-from-the-balcony-suicide-is-not-painless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/the-view-from-the-balcony-suicide-is-not-painless\/","title":{"rendered":"The View from the Balcony: Suicide Is Not Painless"},"content":{"rendered":"

I did not want to write this article. I had other plans\u2014oddly, a different take on death. But the suicides of Kate Spade<\/strong> and Anthony Bourdain<\/strong> last week have resurrected the pain of my own brother\u2019s suicide a year-and-a-half-ago, and the Muse will allow me to write nothing other than this.<\/span><\/p>\n

Robert Altman<\/strong>, legendary film director, tried to write the lyrics for Johnny Mandel<\/strong>\u2019s song that was to be used in his movie, M*A*S*H<\/em><\/strong>, but he couldn\u2019t. He turned the job over to his 14-year-old son, Michael, who wrote the lyrics in 15 minutes. Many paid little attention to the words of the song that became the theme for both the film and the television show (the TV show did not use the lyrics), but they are chilling.<\/span><\/p>\n

To get technical about the many modes of suicide and which ones may or may not cause physical pain is to miss the point. There are precious few suicides that don\u2019t come from some kind of inner pain, but the pain does not cease there. It touches everyone who knew the person.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some say that suicide is a selfish act, and it can be. But it can also be a desperate act, a hopeless act, a helpless act, and\u2014as in the case of physician-assisted suicide\u2014a choice to enter into death on one\u2019s own terms.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to be angry at the person who takes their own life. Not everyone feels that, but it\u2019s just as normal as it is to feel compassion, sorrow, bewilderment, or lostness. Just don\u2019t judge those who choose this way out too harshly or too quickly. If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned in my life as a counselor and spiritual adviser, it\u2019s that we never know the whole story\u2014not even when there\u2019s a note trying to explain it. We may know many of the why\u2019s, but we can never fully feel the feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re all victims of suicide. There\u2019s suffering enough to go round. So don\u2019t put more suffering on top of suffering. Show grace. Show kindness. Show tender mercies. Give attention to your friends and your family. The signs that are so easy to see in retrospect? Learn them now. Love others enough to be bold and to ask them, \u201cAre you thinking about hurting yourself?\u201d It won\u2019t push them closer to death. It might just save them. Your courage may break down walls that they cannot see beyond and make it safe for them to reach out for comfort and help. But should they resent you and not want to talk to you for a while . . . so what? So what, indeed.<\/span><\/p>\n

. . . and that\u2019s the view from The Balcony.\u00a0\"The<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n

Suicide Is Painless<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Through early morning fog I see<\/span>
\nvisions of the things to be,<\/span>
\nthe pains that are withheld for me<\/span>
\nI realize and I can see that…<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]:<\/span>
\nsuicide is painless.<\/span>
\nIt brings on many changes.<\/span>
\nAnd I can take or leave it if I please.<\/span><\/p>\n

I try to find a way to make<\/span>
\nall our little joys relate<\/span>
\nwithout that ever-present hate,<\/span>
\nbut now I know that it’s too late, and…<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]<\/span><\/p>\n

The game of life is hard to play.<\/span>
\nI’m gonna lose it anyway.<\/span>
\nThe losing card I’ll someday lay,<\/span>
\nso this is all I have to say.<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]<\/span><\/p>\n

The only way to win is cheat<\/span>
\nand lay it down before I’m beat<\/span>
\nand to another give my seat,<\/span>
\nfor that’s the only painless feat.<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]<\/span><\/p>\n

The sword of time will pierce our skins.<\/span>
\nIt doesn’t hurt when it begins.<\/span>
\nBut as it works its way on in<\/span>
\nthe pain grows stronger…watch it grin, but…<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]<\/span><\/p>\n

A brave man once requested me<\/span>
\nto answer questions that are key:<\/span>
\n\u201cIs it to be or not to be?\u201d<\/span>
\nand I replied, \u201cOh, why ask me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

[REFRAIN]<\/span><\/p>\n

’cause suicide is painless.<\/span>
\nIt brings on many changes.<\/span>
\nAnd I can take or leave it if I please \u2013<\/span><\/p>\n

…and you can do the same thing if you please.<\/span><\/p>\n

Songwriters: Johnny Mandel, Michael B Altman<\/span><\/p>\n

Suicide Is Painless lyrics \u00a9 Warner\/Chappell Music, Inc.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Death Has Set My Mind on Fire<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Death has set my mind on fire.<\/span><\/p>\n

He has stirred my brain with his<\/span><\/p>\n

Long,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 black poker,<\/span><\/p>\n

Taken dying thoughts \u2013<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 buried deep \u2013<\/span><\/p>\n

And pulled them into the air.<\/span><\/p>\n

They explode into flame,<\/span><\/p>\n

Burn up my remembrances<\/span><\/p>\n

And leave me alone in ashes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Job,<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you do with ashes?<\/span><\/p>\n

Ragan Courtney<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a9 Copyright 2016 by Ragan Courtney<\/span><\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s a Bitter Pill to Swallow<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a bitter pill to swallow; don\u2019t think I can get it down.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a bitter pill to swallow; sticks in my throat\u2014digs deep, like a plow.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s hardest pill to swallow that I have ever found.<\/span><\/p>\n

It feels just like I\u2019m drowning; goin\u2019 down, goin\u2019, down.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You must have felt forsaken; you must have felt alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

You must have thought dead ends concluded every anguished road.<\/span><\/p>\n

You must have felt so trapped in that damned box that you had drawn.<\/span><\/p>\n

You must have begged in misery for your pain to all be gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I do not condemn you for the way you chose to leave.<\/span><\/p>\n

Neither does the one who bled and died at Calvary.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both of us just loved you\u2014longed for you to be set free\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

but neither of us ever thought that this is how it would be.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wish that I had loved you far better than I did.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish that I could hold you\u2014wash away the pain you hid.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish you\u2019d seen the candles in the darkness that we lit.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish that you\u2019d reached out instead of going off the grid.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I hope that you\u2019re at peace tonight; I hope that you\u2019re at rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope that MamaDaddy hold you tightly to their breast.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope you\u2019re clad in golden robes with all the other blessed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope your fractured soul is healed by the consecrated kiss.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I pray you know your brother and your sisters hold no grudge.<\/span><\/p>\n

I pray you soar upon the wings of the holy snow-white dove.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most of all I pray that if you hear me from above<\/span><\/p>\n

that you\u2019ll accept this offering of tears\u2014your brother\u2019s love.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s a bitter pill to swallow; don\u2019t think I can get it down.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a bitter pill to swallow; sticks in my throat\u2014digs deep, like a plow.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s hardest pill to swallow that I have ever found.<\/span><\/p>\n

It feels just like I\u2019m drowning; goin\u2019 down, goin\u2019, down.<\/span><\/p>\n

It feels just like I\u2019m drowning; goin\u2019 down, goin\u2019, down.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Randall S. Weeks<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a9Copyright 2017. Randall S. Weeks, ASCAP. All Rights Reserved.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I did not want to write this article. I had other plans\u2014oddly, a different take on death. But<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":262,"featured_media":39753,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11902],"tags":[3706,6861,12873,12871,12874,12872,987],"class_list":["post-47122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-randy-weeks","tag-anthony-bourdain","tag-death","tag-johnny-mandel","tag-kate-spade","tag-mash","tag-robert-altman","tag-suicide"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/2017-5-11-View-from-the-Balcony.jpg?fit=600%2C400&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/262"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47122"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47122\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/39753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}