My good friend Leon, a very inciteful man, was the soul patron at the bar. His face boar a sad expression. He ordered a poor man\u2019s Irish coffee \u2013 decapitated, with a single shot of Jameson. Said he needed the warmth but not the jitters. Leon started talking about some serious stuff sew I decided to skip my medication and sit inside with him. That\u2019s what fiends are four.<\/span><\/p>\n Leon has a long-time squeeze: a no-account woman named Addie. \u201cI think I’m being taken for granite,\u201d Leon said. \u201cEver since I bought Addie that Angola sweater for Christmas she’s been ignoring me. When she does acknowledge my presents she throws obscene jesters at me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Leon reeked of bad colon. \u201cWhat was he trying to cover up?\u201d I silently wandered. \u201cYou\u2019re still practicing monotony, aren\u2019t ewe, Leon?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOf course I am! I wanna have a solid family eunuch, not one with all the ex\u2019s and steps like Dick’s functional family.\u201d Leon added, \u201cOh, I forgot. You don\u2019t know Dick.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Just then an OPD meter reeder stomped up the stares. Leon tried to hide. \u201cPlease tell me he\u2019s just a pigment of my imagination,\u201d he whispered.<\/span><\/p>\n The officer spotted Leon. “Leon! You gotta go with me.”<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d said Leon. \u201cWhat\u2019d I do?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou got a math problem.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMeth problem? I don\u2019t dew drugs.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI said you got a math<\/strong> problem,\u201d the officer said. \u201cYou didn’t put enough quarters in the meter so they didn’t add up to enough thyme. This is your sixth ticket in two moths. I gotti take you in.\u201d He cuffed Leon and halled him aweigh.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI’da never thought Leon had a math problem,\u201d I said to Sir Sonny.<\/span><\/p>\n When they got to the jail the officer beet the crop out of Leon and tossed him in a dark, dank sale that smelled like a s**thole. The toilet was overflowing with Haitian crap. They sent a plumber to fix it. He clearly had a crack problem. Leon looked around at the old Bob Marley posters that lined the walls and thought, \u201cThis place needs a good inferior decorator.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n An hour later the cook came buy. “Whatcha wanna eat, Neon?”<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThe name’s Leon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSoot yourself, Leo. Whatta ya want for supper?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Leon said, \u201cI’ll have some ribs with porn and beans, and a poop tart on the side. For breakfast I want some dog nuts and hot coffee for dunkin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The cook scoured. Later he returned with a boloney sandwich and a peace of pi. “Bon ape tit,\u201d he said to Leon. He pointed to the pi. \u201cDon’t upset the apple tart, Crayon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The next morning an officer came to take Leon to court. Leon\u2019s not a mourning person so the cop got him some coffee. \u201cWhere are my dog nuts?\u201d Leon asked. The officer looked him over and said, \u201cYou better be careful in there. Give the judge pacific answers to her questions or she\u2019ll send you to the penile farm for reformation. You might find your dog nuts there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Leon thought he\u2019d be find. After all, he was a virtual suppository of trivialities.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cJust tell her ornery you’ll go to alcoholics unanimous or narcotics synonymous. That’ll help you,\u201d the cop said.<\/span><\/p>\n The court bailiff walked buy, drinking a two-litter cola.<\/span><\/p>\n The cop whispered, \u201cHe’s got a coke problem.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n An exterminator was coming up the hall. The cop said, \u201cHe\u2019s with the Pubic Works Department. Best damn incest control guy in the hole county. Coarse it might be \u2018cause he suffers from dimensional. Cain\u2019t remember where he\u2019s spayed so he\u2019ll cover the same spots two or three times.”<\/span><\/p>\n The judge judged and because Leon gave her pacific answers she let him of with prohibition. Later at the bar Leon said to me, \u201cIn retrospect, I shoulda checked my math.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell, Leon,\u201d I replied, \u201cIt\u2019s like the Sheik says: hiney sight is always 50-50.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n We cliqued our glasses. \u201cTo the Shreik!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMaybe ole no-account Addie will be niecer to you after your run-in with the law,\u201d I said.<\/span><\/p>\n
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