{"id":3464,"date":"2012-09-05T13:15:38","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T18:15:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=3464"},"modified":"2012-09-05T13:15:38","modified_gmt":"2012-09-05T18:15:38","slug":"wtf-news-little-girls-tea-party-interrupted-by-protestors-satire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wtf-news-little-girls-tea-party-interrupted-by-protestors-satire\/","title":{"rendered":"WTF News: Little Girl’s Tea Party Interrupted By Protestors (Satire)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Dozens of sign-wielding protesters mobbed Stacey Masterson\u2019s playhouse in Oxford on Wednesday, causing panic amongst guests who had been invited to attend her monthly tea party. <\/span><\/p>\n

Organizers of the protest claim the tea party was racist, homophobic and against America\u2019s best interests. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat people fail to realize, man, is that this tea party is actually funded by affluent fascists that want to control the middle-class and ensure that corporate tax rates are demolished,\u201d said Rhiki Shapity, a San Diego-based poet.<\/span><\/p>\n

Small business owner, Walter Masterson, claims his 7-year-old daughter was hoping to enjoy a peaceful summer day sipping tea with Mr. Buggies, Miss Barbie Bear and Rascal the Raccoon. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOne moment, I hear her conducting sing-a-longs with her stuffed parrot and the next I\u2019m hearing loud chants of \u2018We are the 99.\u2019 I didn\u2019t know what to think.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"Masterson says he immediately demanded the protesters evacuate his property, but they refused on grounds that it was \u201ceverybody\u2019s land, man.\u201d Masterson resorted to calling the police.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cHad to get the fuzz involved,\u201d said Shapity while shaking his head. \u201cIronic how the tea party wants to lower taxes, but they are all too willing to ask for assistance from the taxpayer-funded police.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Masterson says his daughter was unharmed in the melee but suffered psychological and emotional damage. <\/span><\/p>\n

Efforts to re-start the tea party were thwarted by a \u201crevolting stench\u201d that now occupied the playhouse following the protesters unwelcomed entry. A professional cleaning crew is expected to arrive on Friday.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPretty sure Stacey isn\u2019t even political,\u201d Masterson said. \u201cIn fact, if you gave her the option to vote right now, she\u2019d probably vote for that darn Bieber kid. He is all she ever talks about. If you ask me, that\u2019s what\u2019s wrong with this country.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dozens of sign-wielding protesters mobbed Stacey Masterson\u2019s playhouse in Oxford on Wednesday, causing panic amongst guests who had<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":238,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[133],"tags":[776,299,775,7081],"class_list":["post-3464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wtf-news","tag-protestors","tag-satire","tag-tea-party","tag-wtf-news"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/238"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3464"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3464\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}