{"id":310,"date":"2012-01-26T22:39:15","date_gmt":"2012-01-26T22:39:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=310"},"modified":"2026-03-18T18:13:54","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T23:13:54","slug":"day-62-is-socks-dead-yet-by-white-collar-criminal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/day-62-is-socks-dead-yet-by-white-collar-criminal\/","title":{"rendered":"“Day 62: Is Socks Dead Yet?” by White Collar Criminal"},"content":{"rendered":"

Day 62: Is Socks Dead Yet?<\/h1>\n

by White Collar Criminal – from The Local Voice #148<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

64-years-young and still staring at his secretary’s brazen display of her quotables. He coughs, looks towards the door, and offers to show me the way out. His secretary doesn’t blink as he scoops a cheap cigar out of his blazer pocket and flicks his lighter. No smoking, no schmoking; he built this place with his own two trust funds.<\/p>\n

The flab leaking from my torso is beyond apparent, even when trapped behind an off-white button-up shirt that has wrinkles for miles. I’ve been meticulously\u00a0driving in\u00a0a circle for three days, arriving at this particular client’s office to chat about dynamic new products, zipping to lunch with his R&D team, and then back to the city,\u00a0only to\u00a0discover he wants more pamphlets to stash in his oft-ignored file cabinet. He is the type who despises email, fax, telephone, Pony Express. He’d rather talk face-to-face. Mano y mano. Balls to Balls.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So instead of scanning our spec sheet to a pdf file and\u00a0emailing it to his secretary,\u00a0I’ll jump in my brand new used car, stare at my iPhone as I text 3 words a minute, and make the 1.5 hour drive back to his compound to stare at his secretary’s brazen display of her quotables. His R&D team will be sitting in the conference room, holding a deck of cards full of jokers, waiting for me to\u00a0falter once, just once.<\/p>\n

“You said short-term numbers would indicate low-to-moderate growth, but looking at this bar graph, I don’t see realization until the 4th quarter. What gives?”\u00a0a minion\u00a0would undoutbably ask. I’d fumble with a few sheets of blank paper and resort to what my mentor\u00a0refers to as\u00a0“socks in a box”.<\/p>\n

“In today’s market, achieving\u00a0low-to-moderate growth within four quarters is virtually unheard of, I assure you. Our company was founded upon the same principles and standards that have propelled your company to where you are today. We’ll start small and end up large, just like you. But if we don’t strive to take the\u00a0small steps, how will we ever take the giant leaps? This isn’t a risk, this is an opportunity. And I can’t stand here and let you pass up this opportunity,” I’d say. It’s the same little story I’ve pumped out\u00a0dozens of times before when some egghead in the\u00a0room\u00a0could smell bullshit emanating from my flabby torso.<\/p>\n

Give the client a box with socks. They’ll look into the box and be pretty unimpressed. It’s a box full of nothing but socks, afterall.\u00a0Is this supposed to be some sort of gift or something? But then you describe the comfort the socks will provide; the warmth in the winter, the feeling of protection, the feeling of cotton, the fabric of\u00a0their life, or whatever. Then\u00a0you describe a life without socks: the horror of your toes freezing in the frigid 30 inches of snow,\u00a0how defenseless you’ll feel, the feeling of being a hippie, the scariest thought\u00a0of your life. Don’t give them an option. They need socks.<\/p>\n

In reality, they\u00a0can survive without socks. They can even\u00a0purchase socks in a box from another vendor. But don’t give them time to research the other box of socks. They need your socks. Besides, winter is fast approaching.<\/p>\n

I finish my little anecdote and look down at my own socks. Black nylon. Can barely see them over my belly. The R&D team probably notices my belly. But now\u00a0they’re in deep thought, pondering over\u00a0a new product to shove down their customers’ throats while milking every cent they can. Inevitably, they’ll accept our proposal. Not because I’m a fantastic orator-which I am- but because my company rarely fails. We help businesses stay in business. We put food on their table. \u00a0And we’ve been doing it for over 90 years.<\/p>\n

I always wondered if President Bill Clinton practiced his speeches with Socks lounging\u00a0in the room. He’d launch into historic diatribes against the right-wing conspirators while\u00a0glancing at the mirror and\u00a0slightly parting his hair and all the while, Socks would be\u00a0napping in the\u00a0corner of the Oval Office, awaiting his next meal. Eventually, Socks would be fed, and all would be right in his tiny world. Not because he felt inspired by the President. Not because he felt change was on the horizon. Not because he knew what\u00a0the\u00a0definition of “is” is.\u00a0But because he got fed. As long as your master keeps you warm in the winter,\u00a0well-protected and well fed, you’ll be happy. No matter what they say.<\/p>\n

=============================<\/p>\n

The white collar criminal is a twenty-something Ole Miss graduate\u00a0working in the business world, whether you like it or not.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 62: Is Socks Dead Yet? by White Collar Criminal – from The Local Voice #148 64-years-young and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":238,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[96],"tags":[3,7077],"class_list":["post-310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-creative-writing","tag-the-local-voice","tag-white-collar-criminal"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/238"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=310"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":156709,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions\/156709"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}