{"id":18978,"date":"2014-11-17T15:31:24","date_gmt":"2014-11-17T20:31:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=18978"},"modified":"2015-11-10T13:36:20","modified_gmt":"2015-11-10T18:36:20","slug":"drowned-glasses-speeding-ticket-and-mini-skirt-by-vera-p","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/drowned-glasses-speeding-ticket-and-mini-skirt-by-vera-p\/","title":{"rendered":"“Drowned Glasses, Speeding Ticket, and Mini Skirt” By Vera P."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Canoe\"<\/a>One more short vacation it was. This time me and my tiny intelligent friend were excitedly looking forward to the canoe trip on the Spring River in Arkansas. He used to do canoeing before\u2014 only once\u2014and for me it was a first time in my life. \u2028<\/span><\/p>\n

We were camping, cooked beef shish kebab on a bonfire, ate some dark cherries and went to sleep in a tent. In the morning we headed to the canoe station and soon there we were, paddling and proudly looking at each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

We didn\u2019t go far at all. My friend said that The Man was supposed to sit in the front as the strongest and most experienced one. So he insisted on us changing places\u2014while in the canoe. I was weakly trying to protest, because it didn\u2019t seem like a good idea at all, but he was unshakable. So we paddled closer to the bank and the last picture I remember was him stepping out in the water, and then we\u2028flipped over. The river was only\u2028waist deep, and the next thing I saw\u2028after wiping the algae out of my\u2028face, was my friend holding the\u2028canoe, stomping his foot and jerking his head in a fury, simultaneously exclaiming with every word, \u2028\u201cShit! F**k! Shit! F**k!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He drowned his new expensive prescription glasses!<\/span><\/p>\n

I drowned my camera, so I don\u2019t have any proof of me taking this trip.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our Birkenstocks were dancing a slow waltz, floating down the river. Some nice couple in the other canoe picked them up and brought back to us. Now I know why they have cork bottoms!<\/span><\/p>\n

We were facing a problem there\u2014we didn\u2019t know how to empty the boat, full of water. As long as I had my sandals on again, I volunteered to walk back and ask for a help, while he was holding the canoe\u2014we were only in a half a mile from the start.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was the longest half a mile in my life. The river bank was covered with tall saw-grass and broken trees. I didn\u2019t have much more than a bikini swimming suit and a tiny skirt on\u2014it was a very hot day\u2014so my legs got covered with long saw-grass cuts and looked like I\u2019d gotten in a fight with a bobcat, or practiced some kind of S&M. I was only praying for not stepping on a snake and not getting into poison ivy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, I reached the starting point, found a sleepy canoe guy, and he took me back. There was a nice trail on the other bank (if only I knew that I didn\u2019t have to walk all over that saw-grass!). All we had to do was swim to the other side, where my friend was still standing in the water to his waist and holding on a canoe. He had managed to scoop almost all the water away just with his hands while waiting.<\/span><\/p>\n

The sleepy guy showed us what to do in case like that. \u201cY\u2019all just lift it bottom-up in the air, water pours out, then you turn that somabitch back over and y\u2019all good to go!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We had to use that wisdom one more time, when we flipped over again on a little rapid.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then there was a very nice slow floating down the beautiful river, but every time we heard the sound of a next rapid (and even the smallest of them sound like a subway train to me) I was getting nervous. I knew there should be a big one, with a very narrow slide just between two rocks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally it was there, and we went through, smoothly and nicely, and kept floating to the final destination! We had an hour or so until being picked up and enjoyed swimming in the cold water of the Spring River.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later that day I discovered a huge bruise on my hip\u2014 with all that adrenalin rush I never noticed how I got it.\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n

On the way back we were pulled over for speeding. I was comfort- ably reclining in a passenger seat in a mini sundress (what could I do, it\u2019s hot in Arkansas!) and exposing my long, tanned, bruised, and scratched all over legs.<\/span><\/p>\n

The huge clumsy cop was trying not to stare too obviously, but he couldn\u2019t keep his eye- brows from going all the way up and his big bright eyes from rolling. Panting and sweating, he seemed to try to imagine all possible ways in which that fine foreign lady\u2019s legs could be decorated so badly. (Remember? My companion was petite, and I am not!)\u2028<\/span><\/p>\n

It was my first (but not last) time of getting away with a mini help of a mini skirt! Needless to say, we didn\u2019t get a ticket and kept our journey\u2014my friend, me and a happy laughter. \"The<\/a>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

–<\/span>
\nThis article was originally printed in The Local Voice<\/em> #137 (published August 11, 2011).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One more short vacation it was. This time me and my tiny intelligent friend were excitedly looking forward<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":238,"featured_media":18979,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[96],"tags":[1714,4724,4726,4725,4727],"class_list":["post-18978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-creative-writing","tag-canoe","tag-glasses","tag-mini-skirts","tag-speeding-tickets","tag-spring-river"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/Vera137FEAT.jpg?fit=620%2C349&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18978","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/238"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18978"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18978\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18979"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18978"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18978"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18978"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}