{"id":139405,"date":"2024-05-16T07:24:00","date_gmt":"2024-05-16T12:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=139405"},"modified":"2024-05-15T18:34:12","modified_gmt":"2024-05-15T23:34:12","slug":"the-view-from-the-balcony-another-journey-through-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/the-view-from-the-balcony-another-journey-through-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"The View From The Balcony: “Another Journey through Grief”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When I learned that my big brother Rodney took his life on January 27, 2017, I sat at home not quite knowing what to do. I decided to go to the place I knew love for me dwelt\u2014The Balcony. There the comfort of friends overflowed and soothed my grief.

When I learned that my sister Hilda had died in her sleep on April 9, 2022, I knew what to do. I went to The Balcony where the comfort of friends overflowed and soothed my grief.

When I learned that my sister Nancy, the last of my siblings, died on May 6, 2024, I knew exactly what to do. I went to The Balcony where the comfort of friends overflowed and soothed my grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the Charles Schultz\u2019s comic strip, Peanuts<\/em>, good ol\u2019 na\u00efve Charlie Brown often yelled, \u201cGood grief!\u201d to express his dismay over something unbelievable another character\u2014usually Lucy\u2014had said or done. (Think \u201cI coulda had a V-8\u201d moment.) But let\u2019s take it literally. Good grief. What exactly is good<\/em> grief?

Many of us are familiar with Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross\u2019 \u201cFive Stages of Grief\u201d from her 1969 book, On Death and Dying<\/em>: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But these \u201cstages\u201d don\u2019t occur sequentially. Most often we bounce back and forth between them. They also overlap frequently. Still, the Five Stages of Grief can be highly helpful for those dealing with loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I prefer a similar but different approach. Detailed by psychologist William Worden in his book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner<\/em>, Fourth Edition (2009), Worden\u2019s tasks of grief are: to accept the reality of the loss, to process the pain of grief, to adjust to a world without the deceased, to find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life. In this Worden provides a framework for our grief that can help us understand how people journey through grief. Healing happens gradually as grievers address these tasks, in no specific order, going back and forth from one to another over time. Gradually, with healthy grief, we create a balance between remembering the person who died and living a full and meaningful life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can grieve any loss\u2014a loved one, a pet, a job, a dream. A loss is a loss and any loss can be a legitimate reason to grieve, largely dependent on our attachment to that which was lost. Through my own experiences with grief and 25+ years of counseling dozens and dozens of grieving people, here are a few of the things I have learned:<\/p>\n\n\n\n