{"id":131857,"date":"2023-08-31T10:20:48","date_gmt":"2023-08-31T15:20:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=131857"},"modified":"2023-08-31T10:21:08","modified_gmt":"2023-08-31T15:21:08","slug":"the-view-from-the-balcony-sweat-bee-chronicles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/the-view-from-the-balcony-sweat-bee-chronicles\/","title":{"rendered":"The View From The Balcony: “Sweat Bee Chronicles”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Sweat bees are famous\u2014or infamous\u2014for their tendency to land on humans to obtain moisture and salts from perspiration. It\u2019s kind of amusing to think that we are sports beverages for insects. <\/em>(Missouri Department of Conservation)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For several weeks now there has been a single, solitary sweat bee buzzing around The Balcony. It\u2019s a minor annoyance unless you\u2019re allergic to bee stings like MoJo. If she gets stung she\u2019ll swell up like a helium-filled balloon at Macy\u2019s Thanksgiving Parade and we sure as hell don\u2019t want that. When the bee comes a\u2019 buzzin\u2019 MoJo goes to cussin\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recruited the help of Our Lady of the Flashing Needles. That day she could have been called \u201cNinja Needles\u201d as she artfully and deftly used her tools as weapons to engage the bee in a faux fencing match, leaving the bee dazed and confused, and eventually forcing it into a glass.
Cookie jerked off one of her 9\u201d heels and was ready to crush the bee. In the twinkling of an eye I slammed a copy of The Essential Rumi over the glass, effectively trapping the bee. Unfortunately for me, Cookie was in mid-swing and impaled my hand to the heart of Rumi. The Balcony People roared in laughter over the irony. I disengaged Cookie\u2019s heel and handed the blood-spattered stiletto back to her. Totally disgusted, she turned on her other heel and stomped away like a pissed off three-legged aristocat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Sheik and the Untouchable Man were agape at the skills of Our Lady of the Flashing Needles. They tried to recruit her as an undercover agent. She smiled smugly but spoke not a word. She\u2019d been a double-naught spy for 15 years and had recently become the first and only spy elevated to the position of a triple-naught spy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Freakishly, a squeaky little voice like that of Vincent Price at the end of the original The Fly echoed from the glass. \u201cHelp me!\u201d it said. \u201cHelp me!\u201d Our Lady of the Flashing Needles and I shared a shrewd stare. I leaned toward the glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou gotta help me,\u201d he said. \u201cI am KGBee gone rogue. Pootin\u2019 is after me!\u201d
\u201cPootin\u2019?\u201d I asked. \u201cI thought it was Putin.\u201d
\u201cNo,\u201d KGBee said. \u201cHe was born a Pootin\u2019 and he\u2019ll die a Pootin\u2019. If they catch me they will eliminate me and make it look like suicide, but their kind of suicide is definitely not painless.\u201d
\u201cShow me proof,\u201d I asked.
KGBee attached himself to the inner glass to reveal Lilliputian sophisticated surveillance equipment strapped to the inner side of his thorax. \u201cI\u2019m trying to defect,\u201d he said, \u201cbut this device is set to self-destruct in five seconds and take it with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As KGBee spoke, the light on his thorax turned from a steady green to a blinking red. We knew he was about to be insecticided. Our Lady of the Flashing Needles got in touch with her inner MacGyver and disarmed the device, a mere millisecond before it was to explode. KGBee and I sighed in relief. Our Lady of the Flashing Needles sat back in her chair, cool as a cucumber, as if what she\u2019d done was as simple as knit one, pearl two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I released KGBee from his glass prison and invited him out. Dazed and confused, the fear in his compound eyes was evident to the 10th power. But I coaxed him up to the edge of the glass.
\u201cWhat do you want?\u201d I asked.
\u201cSanctuary, asylum, protection, anonymity,\u201d he said.
\u201cThe Balcony is a safe place,\u201d I said, \u201cBut you\u2019ve got to promise not to sting anyone. I\u2019ll make sure there\u2019s salt water here so you\u2019ll have no reason to suck on anyone. Capiche?\u201d
\u201cCapiche,\u201d KGBee replied. He looked to Our Lady of the Flashing Needles for her endorsement. What he got was a blood curdling stare and a click of the needles that struck fear in his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With that I released KGBee from his glass prison. The rest of his day was spent flying around The Balcony with extreme caution. He clearly had the fear of the Gulag in him. Now it would be our job to trust\u2014but verify.
Should you spot KGBee on The Balcony, show him some Southern hospitality. All he wants is a little sweat\u2014and perhaps a bit of information.
\u2026and that\u2019s the view from The Balcony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, a singer-songwriter, and an actor. Like KGBee, he is currently fleeing Pootin\u2019. Randy may be reached at\u00a0randallsweeks@gmail.com.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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