In Joe Biden\u2019s home there were files on a clandestine investigation into the University of Tennessee Butt-Chugging Scandal. An annotated owner\u2019s manual for Biden\u2019s Corvette turned up with the following having been sloppily redacted: \u201cNever to be kept in a garage that also contains classified documents.\u201d The manual is believed to be a coded record from the UFO crash at Area 51 in 1947. So far the only thing successfully decoded is the entry, \u201cWatch for the Trojan balloon in 2023!\u201d Thus far the Biden administration has not released any information as to whether the Chinese balloon was carrying actual Trojans or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/213-2137530_condom-balloon-png-copy.jpg\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\nA search of Barack Obama\u2019s home turned up sixty-six birth certificates from around the globe, suggesting that Obama was conceived during a swingers\u2019 party with George and Weezy Jefferson, and Archie and Edith Bunker. Also discovered were birth certificates of Donald Trump, proving that his parents weren\u2019t black, brown, red, yellow, or white, rather from a thought-to-be-extinct line of orange humanoids known for, well\u2026being orange. They are first cousins to orangutans but lack the same brain capacity.
Jimmy Carter was found to have transcripts of interrogations of Mr. Peanut who was accused of being a double agent (code name: Goober), in which he was boiled, roasted, parched, creamed, and trapped between two slices of white bread with grape jelly. Mr. Peanut was eventually released but still walks with a cane and needs a monocle to see well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dance instruction videos accompanied by printed dance steps on a 12\u2019 X 12\u2019, never used floor mat were found in Al Gore\u2019s home. A map to the location of the last of the Mohicans was also discovered.
A search of Dan Quayle\u2019s home yeilded 5,000 pages of the handwritten sentence, \u201cThere is no \u2018e\u2019 in potato,\u201d signed off on by then President George H. W. Bush. Also found were, notes on a research project assigned to Quayle: the fictional Cuban Mistletoe Crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bill Clinton was found to have a cassette tape of him practicing saying, \u201cI did not have sex with that woman\u201d in 69 different ways before he was interrupted by Hillary, armed with a butcher knife signed by Lorena Bobbitt. Also found was an unsmoked stash of \u201cflavored\u201d cigars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
George W. Bush\u2019s home contained 360 hours of videos of Bob Ross trying to teach Bush how to paint, as well as a never-read copy of Public Speaking: How to Address a World-wide Audience and not Sound Like an Ignoramus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dick Cheney was hiding an unproduced video game in which he takes world leaders, one at a time, on hunting trips that turn into shootouts. Detailed plans for a scavenger hunt to find weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in various locations around the globe were also unearthed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kamala Harris had sketches of how she plans to remodel the Oval Office and the introduction to a yet-to-be-written autobiography with the working title of My 16 Years as President.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Watch for more developments in the next edition of The Local Voice and breaking news about what flies in our skies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2026and that\u2019s the view from The Balcony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, a singer-songwriter, and an actor. Once opened, his Top-Secret documents will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Randy may be reached at\u00a0randallsweeks@gmail.com.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In recent months Top Secret documents have been found in the residences of former President Donald Trump, President<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":262,"featured_media":118752,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11902],"tags":[10286,10878,24286],"class_list":["post-126538","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-randy-weeks","tag-randy-weeks","tag-the-view-from-the-balcony","tag-top-secret"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/ViewFromTheBalcony-2.jpg?fit=996%2C650&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126538","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/262"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=126538"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126538\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/118752"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=126538"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=126538"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=126538"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/a><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"