{"id":124191,"date":"2022-11-03T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-03T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/?p=124191"},"modified":"2022-11-02T18:27:18","modified_gmt":"2022-11-02T23:27:18","slug":"the-view-from-the-balcony-notes-in-my-phone-vi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelocalvoice.net\/oxford\/the-view-from-the-balcony-notes-in-my-phone-vi\/","title":{"rendered":"The View From The Balcony: “Notes in My Phone VI”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Random things I\u2019ve heard or read\u2014mostly on The Balcony.
Most of the names have been changed to protect the guilty.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Be patient with me. My brain is buffering. \u2022 Oh my God! I birthed a ginger! \u2022 He\u2019s talking in cursive. \u2022 The king was heartily in his cups. (Rumi) \u2022 Two inches from heaven. \u2022 You can do anything you want as long as you don\u2019t get caught. \u2022 He is not freshly divorced. \u2022 I broke the seal on the cheese. \u2022 Alien abduction: Alien adduction. \u2022 The carpet was soft and giving. \u2022 It was my sister\u2019s Honda. \u2022 I don\u2019t have enough gas to get to Slidell. \u2022 Congratulations. You managed to keep my attention for another year. \u2022 She\u2019s a Water Valley woman. \u2022 Fauxsectomy. \u2022 Every time I\u2019ve worn a little black dress it went well. \u2022 \u201cButton up your shirt,\u201d she said. \u201cYou\u2019re showing too much of your chest.\u201d \u201cUnbutton your shirt,\u201d he said. \u201cYou\u2019re not showing enough.\u201d \u2022 Plasma woman. \u2022 \u201cAutumn has caught us in our Summer wear.\u201d (Philip Larkin, British poet) \u2022 Unkindness of the heart because of money. \u2022 I\u2019m a bad vegan. \u2022 The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. (Gloria Steinem) \u2022 Living is stupid. \u2022 Obituary: Obitchuary \u2022 Is being from Mississippi a disability? \u2022 So nobody\u2019s gonna be mad when that panhandle falls off Florida? \u2022 He\u2019s dumb. He\u2019s really truly stupid. I love him. \u2022 I majored in The Gin.\u2022 I\u2019m a bisexual straight person. Who the hell isn\u2019t? \u2022 Habitual Balcony attendance. \u2022 Just let everyone be wrong about you. \u2022 Men are different from cats. \u2022 She\u2019s conventionally unconventional. \u2022 I shouldn\u2019t suck as a person. I have to live with myself. \u2022 I definitely smell a little buffalo in there. (Mo Tuck) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u2022 I collect sunsets, not people. (Smiley) \u2022 Sorry about your penis. (Rapunzel de la Rouge) \u2022 I finally came to trust my children. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! (Brick) \u2022 I\u2019m publicly reclusive. \u2022 I\u2019m in an orthopedically induced existential crisis. \u2022 Borrow someone else\u2019s calm. \u2022 That\u2019s about as appropriate as pork chops in a synagogue. \u2022 Any tool can be the right tool. (Jobar) \u2022 Prone to propagate. Prone to pontificate. \u2022 It was a classic case of consonants. \u2022 I had a great day until I got up from bed at 3 o\u2019clock this afternoon. (Mo Tuck) \u2022 I\u2019ve still got a soul to sell. (Yazoo Jones) \u2022 I don\u2019t want to see the horror. I want to BE the horror. \u2022 I\u2019m not a purist. I\u2019m just stupid. (Boudreaux Schopenhauer) \u2022 It\u2019s hard to be the transgressor. (Cormack McCarthy) \u2022 It was a dream and I want in. \u2022 I don\u2019t know if I can use it, but I\u2019m not putting it in there. \u2022 Just because it has a light doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s Christmas. \u2022 Some lumps stay. \u2022 I\u2019ll be my own rainbow today. \u2022 I decided to join you while you were gone. \u2022 I have a zero kill rate. \u2022 She\u2019s a steel magnolia with sharp edges. \u2022 He beat me in a lovingly manner. \u2022 We gave cash because it was a disposable gift for a disposable marriage. \u2022 I took a selfie with my dead grandpa. \u2022 I don\u2019t like that he was more famous than I thought. (Boudreaux Schopenhauer) \u2022 He\u2019s all about the Zen. Isn\u2019t that better than being all about the sin? \u2022 Me and David were talking about doing acid and hallucinogens at lunch. Not that we took them. We was just talking about it. \u2022 The only way to be in control of what happens in the future is to remain in control of what happens today. \u2022 I\u2019m walking through the closets of my mind. \u2022 Why can\u2019t I just be a bitch like everybody else? \u2022 He\u2019s an a**hole with good intentions. \u2022 It\u2019s dangerous to forget, it\u2019s dangerous to remember, because then you have to do something. (Lou Gossett Jr. in Jasper Texas) \u2022 Kindness goes a long way. \u2022 Moderation in all things\u2014especially moderation. \u2022 How do you syndicate crime? \u2022 I am a void. \u2022 I really hate on unearned atheism. (Boudreaux Schopenhauer) \u2022 I\u2019m a farce of nature. \u2022 You\u2019ve got a catitude. \u2022 It\u2019s funny to have a cucumber in my purse. \u2022 This is my resting bitch face. \u2022 Judgment is a hobby for some people and a profession for others. \u2022 She\u2019s had a spiritual bypass. \u2022 We gotta have a pre-nup so it\u2019s all about love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Randy Weeks is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Shamanic Life Coach, an ordained minister, a singer-songwriter, and an actor. You\u2019d be surprised what he keeps in his phone. Then, again, maybe you wouldn\u2019t be. He may be reached at randallsweeks@gmail.com<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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