Life Lesson #1: Never, ever wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Upon the publication of my last column my new editor/publisher received a very angry phone call from a very public figure around Ole Miss Athletics, chiding my new overseers for deciding to run such filth as Steven Godfrey. Wow. I must have blacked out while becoming a “smut peddler,” but then again, 2004 was a blurry year. It would explain that piercing, though…
The basis of this call was immediately relayed to me, the gist of which was that my kind of writing isn’t good for Ole Miss, doesn’t reflect the viewpoint of the Rebel fan base and is too critical of Ed Orgeron. Moreover, this champion of free speech informed my superiors that “Ed Orgeron is gonna turn this thing around, just you wait and see. In a couple years we’re gonna be real good, just you wait.”
Well I sure hope so, mein fuhrer, but in the meantime the growing pains have provided for some bonafide hilarity.
Case in point: This week marked the end of the academic hostage situation of touted (but allegedly moronic) defensive lineman Jerrell Powe, who failed to qualify the previous two seasons. Three years of internet speculation and legal wrangling have created a fresh set of punchlines at the expense of the Rebels, while the lemming contingency of our own fan base was convinced in their usual Fox News fashion that Robert Khayat (who I assume they think operates much in the same fashion as The Claw on “Inspector Gadget”) had an evil conspiracy against Powe, football, God, and America in general.
But in the college football equivalent to an “Ocean’s Eleven” plot, it’s now popular theory that Orgeron used his University of Miami contacts to publicly fool us all into thinking that Hurricanes would rush to qualify Powe if Ole Miss wouldn’t. Abracadabra! Within days Powe was allowed temporary enrollment and practice time while he cleared with the NCAA after a three year impasse. When reached for comment Miami officials sharply responded: “Huh? Powe who?”
(Well played Ed. You’re a ninja.)
Meanwhile, in Jackson - the fairest of all the culturally devoid urban skid marks nationwide - the owner of a local pizza chain named Soulshine (a less than clever play on the Allman Brothers) attacked Powe and Ole Miss on local sports radio because - get this - he’s a Bama fan. The grand irony of a hippie chastising anyone’s right to a state-funded service on top of a Bama fan saying anything about player recruitment literally makes me dizzy. (This is the comedic equivalent of striking oil).
So… a fan of the school whose last (in a long line) of highly “suspicious” player recruitments ended with federal indictments, jailed high school coaches, a quarter million in dirty cash and the “accidental” bloody death of the booster behind it all wants to criticize Ole Miss for helping Forrest Gump work on his pass rush? This is proof positive, kids – don’t smoke marijuana, and don’t cast stones if you yourself are a fan of the Cosa Nostra of college football.
But back to our own dysfunctional family. Hopefully the “unnamed public figure” (for those of you playing at home, he’s not officially affiliated with Ole Miss) didn’t attend our fair university, because the fundamental lack of reading comprehension skills he portrayed is frightening.
My last column was in no way negative towards Ed Orgeron. For the record, I’m pro-Orgeron, but I feel no need to lick the boots of a general who hasn’t liberated as much as our own backyard (yet). That’s not a knock on Ed, either, I think he’s the kind of man who knows respect is earned.
I enjoy defending Ed because I think he’s one of two things – smarter than all of us, or the death knell of an entire program. So basically we’re bound for the land of milk and honey, or an Old Testament God recalibrating the condo market in Lafayette County through a plague of rats, brimstone and 3-9 football. Either way, it’s must-see.
For those of you content to think any form of dissent is disloyalty, enjoy goose stepping through the Grove. What you should be worried about is that the popularity of my tone and subject matter is an alarming sign that there’s a growing generation of Ole Miss fans that are disgusted with antiquated status quos and piss-poor results. Guess who we blame? You, good ol’ boy.
So enjoy the luxury of your control now, because one day our generation of alumni, sick of crippling cronyism (Telsouth), publicity gaffes (the mascot) and internal strife (Powe) might just take our inheritances and clean house on all of you. How’s that for vulgar criticism?
So coddle coaches and proclaim your Rebel loyalty all you want, but I’d suspect that the Mighty Orgeron would agree that results are the only thing that matter.
Until then – “Oink.”
Steven Godfrey is a former local celebrity and current celebrity in his own mind who lives in Nashville. He likens himself more to a grizzly bear than a pig, but admires the disposition of both. Scratch bellies at www.thegodfreyshow.com
