Carver Rayburn was born and raised in Oxford, Mississippi. He has been editor of Southeastern Football Saturdays magazine, as well as Rebel Yell magazine. Carver writes a sports column in each issue in The Local Voice.
“The Mysterious Etiquette
of Stadium Seating”
Stadium Seats Exiting and Entering 101:
Crotch or Butt First?
from The Local Voice #33: Download PDF
Ahhhhh. The million-dollar question. As the football season nears, I can’t help it but to keep pondering the correct answer, if there is one, to this minute, yet so prominent question.
When entering or exiting a seat in a stadium which is the proper side to face the person sitting down? Rear to them or crotch to them? *
Instead of forcing my socialistic views and dictatorship style opinions I decide to let the people answer this riddle of etiquette. Just this one time, though. Then it’s back to Marx Rules. Of course, I reserve the right to respond to each opinion. That’s why it’s cool to be me today.
I posed this question online, by email, myspace, and message boards, and here is what the people had to say:
“Rear. As bad it is, it’s not as in-your-face as when you’re looking right at them. That’s way too personal. At least with your rear in their face it’s kinda like an unavoidable accident and you can just glance apologetically over your shoulder as you squeeze by.
Plus, it’s easier to maneuver that way; the last thing you want to do is tumble backward into the seats behind you.”
-Maddy Pants
Jackson, Miss.
Yeah. We wouldn’t want any co-eds falling into the laps of drunken frat boys. That’s where babies come from.
“I say crotch because then you can look down their date’s shirt. But then again, if you go butt, then you can look down the girl’s shirt in the row in front of you. Good question, but that’s why I like to take end of the row seating.”
- Murray M.
Jackson, Tenn.
I have heard otherwise.
“Since you’re a guy, rear to guys, crotch to girls... you know the drill!”
-Angela R.
New Albany, Miss.
It’s actually neither for me, Angela. I drive a GTO, own a two story house and sit in the press box. Nanny, nanny boo-boo!
“It depends on one’s rear size...if one’s rear is relatively flat, either is acceptable...if one’s rear is rather large and rounded, it is necessary to put the large rear in the face of the person you are passing to avoid scrubbing the large rear against the back of head of the person seated in the next row. (At least the person seated beside you is aware of what is happening...if you butt- scrub the person in front of you, they may feel violated and lash out ;)”
- Gabrielle C.
Meridian, Miss.
Butt-Scrub? Violated? Yikes!!!!
“Excellent question. When crossing a mixed section of folk or a row of gentlemen, always exit with your rear to them. When crossing in front of a row of beautiful women - crotch towards them. That’s the etiquette I’ve always followed.”
Chris S.
– The Green Barrel
in the Grove, Miss.
You’ve grown into such a fine true gentleman. I salute you.
“Definitely Rear to them. NOBODY likes a crotch shot.”
Michelle R.
The Longshot, Miss.
Amen, Michelle, Amen.
“I’d say ass first is the way to go. It enables you to bend at the waist to keep your nachos and as yet unmixed beverage from spilling onto laps. This of course means you have to gingerly hold those items over the heads of those one row closer to the action than you.
If you are a lardass, then I think crotch first, is actually the more polite way to go. Those one row below you might get the back of their head bumped with ass, but at least you don’t have to look them in the eye until they turn around to tell you to stop cursing around their children.”
- RebheadedStranger
Mars, The Planet of
Mmmmmmmm….Nachos.
“Ass first and crop dust on the way out.”
- MisissippiTimes,
North Little Rock, Arkansas
Hell yeah, man. I was waiting on a reference to flatulence.
“In Starkville lately, you can just move up and down rows through empty seats, never having to make the ass/crotch decision. At Neyland, the Cotton Bowl, or that turd bowl in Little Rock the easiest way is to have every one stand up, then walk behind them, on the bench. Otherwise, when they stand up (and they will have to) you are faced with ass to crotch friction, or ass to back of head knocking with the row in front of you, along with face to face breath smelling of the people on your row.”
That cartoon sucks. And so does State.
“Ass to the guys, crotch to the ladies.”
So, you’re a top with the ladies and a bottom with the guys. Nice.
“I usually do the rear, but now that i think about it.... hmmmm... maybe a solid crotch shot would be nice accompanied with a smile and a, ‘you’re welcome’.”
- Jo Ann S.
Memphis, Tenn.
Will you marry me?
These suggestions and opinions brought much to the table for discussion on this bar room topic. Thanks for participating.
However, I will throw in the fact that I want ass in my face if you are of the female persuasion. If you’re a dude, I might have one of those nervous twitches where my knee jumps into the area where one’s kidney would be located. I know Kung-Fu. Well, not really, but I was a badass at that game on the Nintendo. That is all.
* Mr. Ted L. Nancy brought this question to my attention. God Bless you, sir.
